sat morning thoughts.

i feel like in the last few weeks, god has really been trying to grab my attention. nothing drastic, no outrageous events or bad news... just gently tugging at my heart. tugging because i am his beloved and he so desperately wants me to want him and need him like he wants me.

during my first year of master's commission we had weekly girl's core (a time for all the girls to meet and talk about girly issues and such). and honestly, it changed my life and attitude on a weekly basis. one particular week, the topic of discussion was rebellion. although i had some very bumpy patches during my first year at fmmc, god really got ahold of me on this random wednesday and i haven't been the same since.

most people think rebellion is when someone blatantly does what they know they are not supposed to. true... but, what about when you think about doing something you aren't supposed to? what about when you think about your leader in a disrespectful manner? what about when you talk about your authority behind their back?

you're still rebelling against them.

i certainly haven't mastered obedience or obedience without attitude (ouch), but i haven't thought of rebellion the same since.

one thing that god is really pushing me in is disobedience. how many times do i do something because i know i have to or need to, but my heart isn't right? i am not serving because i want to, i am doing it because it is expected.

and how many times do i do something after copping an attitude and putting whatever- it-may-be off as long as possible? god wants our heart to beat with his and wherever he may go, we follow. willingly.

delayed disobedience is disobedience.